Day of Rest

I didn’t leave our house yesterday. I used the Sabbath for what it was made for, rest. I pretty much just sat in the same place all day. Maybe it was the lingering effects of being ill last week. Maybe my mind and body just needed a break from all of the business. Maybe Joe was right when he asked if I was feeling depressed.
The truth is that I’ve learned to hide behind doors. To leave my solitude means that I have to face the poverty and sickness that consumes this city. Can a person survive continual heartache? When will I become numb to it? I crave that numbness that an EMT must have to be productive in the face of tragedy and death. However, I fear that it will come at the price of my compassion for these poor people. How can I survive the reality of it all and not lose my heart?
Life in the city is crushing me. It is like a weight on my shoulders that get’s heavier every day. I search everywhere for solitude, but I find none. There is no peace anywhere. Even at our house there is constant commotion, constant noise permeating through the walls. Children crying, people talking, kids playing, cars roaring, horns blowing, beggars moaning, salemen shouting, dogs barking, it never stops. I wasn’t made for city life and this city is a hard one.
I apologize for all of this. I normally don’t share my weaknesses with others, but I have to now. It almost brings me to tears to open up this much to so many people. I share this with you now because I need your prayers more than ever. I need God to give me the strength to do the work that he has for me to do.

JB

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. You can achieve all things through God who gives you strength. This blog is very special and again shows your dedication to be able to open up to the numbers of people who will read this. Please know we ALL are praying for you! The undertaking that you have chosen to be part of already shows the strength you feel you lack. Even to take the steps necessary to leave the solace and comfort of what you knew as home. The strength is in you, because God is in you. Rest assured in that endeavor and know we are here reading…and listening…and praying.

    ksg2

  2. And this small and temporary trouble I suffer will bring me a tremendous and eternal glory, much greater than the trouble. For I fix my attention, not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever.
    –2 Corinthians 4:17-18
    You are human, your mind, body and soul needed a break. I hope you are feeling better and stronger now. I will continue to pray for you… for strength, for peace of mind, for slight numbness. You are doing an amazing thing…. God Bless You!!

  3. Hang in there man you are doing what God has called you to do, He has you out (way out) of your comfort zone. Ps 37: 7 says for us to “Rest in the Lord, wait patiently on Him; fret not yourself” Read Isa. 58:6-8 to be reminded why you are there. We are praying for your strength and comfort during this time of spiritual growth and struggle. Ez. 36:26 tells us ‘God does not give us a heart of stone (numbness) but gives us a new heart and spirit, He gives us a heart of flesh!’ Now that is tough, flesh bleeds as did Christ for us.
    our love and prayers,
    Dad and Mom

  4. It is not your weakness that you are sharing, but your compassion and love for your Savior. Time now to fully, faithfully and passionately give your heartaches to Him. God never puts us in a situation that He cannot remedy. There are times that He may take us to low levels, but in the end that is just so He can show us His love and grace. Remeber Paul’s trip to Rome as a prisoner aboard a ship during the storm as recorded in the 27th Chapter of Acts. Seek His guidance, Ask for His protection, Trust His power and then Accept His peace. My family’s prayers are with you and I personnally admire the strength that you have shown in your service to Him. In Christ, Roger.

  5. I can’t even imagine how you must feel but as I was reading your post I could almost feel your agony. I’m sure you’re going through a transition period now and will soon find the strengh to move on. The Lord did not send you over there empty handed. He is with you and will give you the strengh you need to contuine your mission to help the people in Ethiopia. We’ll keep you in our prayers.

  6. “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

    Margaret Mead

  7. Life was a lot simplier in Deep River wasn’t it my friend? Sounds like you need to take a step back. Remember the fun times at the pool, playing four square, playing chicken? How bout running to Mrs Smith’s store after we’ve been playing basketball at the church for 2-3 hours in the heat of the summer? There was Hot Hoops. What did we win like one game in 2 years? What about the football battles at the church and Ern’s house? I know I had them, but I can’t remember the bumps, bruises, and sore muscles. In due time, neither will you. Paul was ship wrecked, beaten, thrown in prison, and run out of more than one city, but he relied on God’s strength/love in those tough times. He didn’t brood over the pain, but on the glory of the Lord. The Word says to dwell on heavenly things—No cars honking there. No dogs barking or crazy salesman. Just some toe tappin’ singing, worship, praise, and peace. Oh yeah, and Jesus will be there too. Just think how you’ll feel when He comes up to you and says, “Well done my good and faithful servant. Great is your reward” If that doesn’t pump you up then you need to check your ticker! Hang in there! Our lives are but a vapor, but heaven is eternal. Praying for you even as I type.

  8. Hi JB. Hope your health is better by know, God bless you. I pray that you will be back up and running soon. You can’t keep a good man down. They only break you down to build you up. I pray that you will be stronger and better than when you went. God said ask and yea shall recieve. Myra

  9. Jon, I feel terrible I am just now getting the link to your blog. It gives me hope and inspiration to continue my journey here reading your blog. Just seeing you start this Journey is inspiring people here to do more. I know that is not why you do it but I get to see it happening and it is exciting stuff. I hope and pray that God will use me to help you in the future there. I understand your challenges more than you know when things don’t seem to fall in place. Just keep the faith and continue to pray. I will not try to offer words to lift your spirits, I will offer something better I will pray for for you today. I agree with the post about about “Well done my good and faithful servant”, man that brings chill bumps. Keep your spirits up, your journey has finally started, God has only began to use you. Even Jesus faces obstacles and disappointments when he could have just wiped them away. Instead he showed the patience and kindness we can only strive to obtain. We miss you a lot. Take care see, ya soon.

    Your brother in Christ,
    Jerry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s