How is it that I could long so much for such a wretched, miserable place? What is it about Ethiopia that consumes my heart and mind? I find myself unable to sleep at night. As I lie awake in bed, my heart aches. Why am I in a soft, warm bed while so many children are on the cold, hard streets of Addis? My mind races as I look up at the ceiling. I have to find a way to get back, but how? I can’t even afford the cost of the plane tickets. So I am stuck, trapped in this comfortable life. I don’t know which is worse, the continual heartache of seeing children neglected, abused, and alone, or to know that they are there and that I am currently incapable of going to help them. At least when I’m there I can give a kind word or a gentle hug. At least when I’m there I can show them the love and affection that they desire. I’d rather suffer there with them than to be haunted by the knowledge of their suffering here. Ignorance, as they say, truly is bliss!
I know that God has put this passion into my heart, but sometimes it feels like an unbearable burden. In Ethiopia they live as a community, totally dependent on one another. They do so in order to survive. I have always prided myself on being able to handle everything on my own. However, I have to admit that this is no longer the case. I realize now that this is too big, and that I am too small. It hurts my pride to say that. The Lord has humbled me. I admit to you now that I am totally insufficient and inadequate to do the job that I’ve been given. I am always amazed at how the Lord can use people such as me.
Please be in prayer for me and Jess and the children in Ethiopia. Pray also that we will receive the financial support we need in order to return.